Back in 1999, I had an accident and fractured my tibia plateau while out training on a beautiful spring evening. No big deal apart from the fact that it hurt and needed a hip to toe plaster cast for six weeks. The positive aspect was that I was granted eight weeks paid leave from my job with our young family and the youngest was only four months old. This was a welcome gift because my work of late had created a lot of stress; I was beginning to burn out. That affected everything and I had been missing so much at home because of the unsociable hours I worked and lengthy periods away in the name of “duty”.
After six glorious weeks, the cast came off, the fracture had healed as the experts predicted. Except that the pain didn’t go away. Instead, it became progressively worse and extended into the entire left side of my body before making a leap to the right. They blamed the nervous system, gave it names and a lot of highly addictive medications but nothing seemed able to fix it and the outlook was bleak. The person I was, reduced to a wheelchair and a specialist gave me the crushing news that I should not expect to walk again.
Crushing News; Bright Sunshine
I clearly remember the look on my partners face when she heard that news. Crushed doesn’t begin to explain it. Yet something fascinating happened. Imagine you are sat in a room with a window and the light is average, not bright. On hearing that news, two things happened. The first was like facing an exceptionally bright sunrise; everything in the room paled into insignificance. Second, came a powerful sense of knowing. I knew that the doctor was wrong, and it wasn’t because of any fear his words may have invoked or any disrespect for his professional opinion.
I’ve Got This!
I believed I would walk again and then . . . I didn’t. This is the way the story went for several years and during that time, I felt like a permanent feature in many hospitals. Drug addiction increased, the pain never went away, and I succumbed to a deep depression that required the intervention of a clinical psychologist. That was an odd experience, a qualified psychologist and personal development practitioner counseled by a psychologist. Except that this one could barely recall even the simplest theories, or how to put them into practice.
The clinical psychologist took me on a journey back into my past and this is where the sun began to shine once more. I must admit that I often resisted her intentions to enable me to uncover the pain of my past but slowly, I took faltering steps and the momentum increased. I did what Martin Luther King Jr. suggested, I couldn’t see the whole staircase to recovery, but I had faith and took the first step and kept taking those steps.
My entire focus had always been, “lose this pain”. I even went as far as saying that it didn’t belong to me, as though some alien force had placed it in my body. I didn’t once realize that the focus on losing the pain was attracting more pain. The pain in the first place came from painful emotional situations and I had been circulating these painful thoughts unconsciously for years. The images were in perfect focus. It didn’t matter what the doctors said or tried, I was thinking pain and that’s what I got repeatedly; it became my experience.
In the beginning, I allowed everybody but myself to dictate direction. That was until I switched their hats and made them guides rather than leaders because it was I who had to do the work and become the leader. Of course I respected their expertise but I discovered that there was much more to the equation.
As It Turned Out
Most of those painful thoughts were never mine in the first place. True, they had come out of situations I had been close to yet, some deep-digging showed me that they belonged elsewhere. They were not mine to own but I had accepted them and made them my reality.
Discovering My Reality
I’m not a bible person but one quote comes to mind; “forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34), and that is precisely what I did. I set truly clear intentions to forgive what others had knowingly or unknowingly placed upon me. The more I did this, the stronger my belief became that my reality was so much brighter than I had allowed myself to think. I had complete faith that this would work. I visualized it, believed it and it did. Today I am fit, healthy and entirely pain free.
It Relates To Everything
By starting with an idea, developing clear messages of intention, following the signals and taking passionate action, everything grows. The terrible fires in Australia recently destroyed much of nature yet, the grass will grow again. That is the intention of nature.
As part of the wonderful tapestry of nature, my intention is no different. Whatever I clearly intend to create will grow as I envisage. I do what I love and love what I do. These are not just one-off thoughts, they are consciously and consistently applied with passion.
There are many tools and ways to effectively explore and challenge your limits. We need a box of tools to challenge the boundaries and move forward toward success.
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Comments and Questions
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I bow to the place in you that is love, light, and joy and I wish you a wonderful day.
Peace & Light
Steve Costello is a British Community & Youth Studies and Psychology honors graduate with over 30-years theoretical and practical experience in the Personal Development public and private sectors. He founded ExGro in 2018 with business partner, friend and clinical psychologist, Leo Faerberg.