Steve Costello

My Daughter My Friend

Translated from the original version of this written in Russian by my business partner, clinical psychologist, Leo Faerberg, “My Daughter, My Friend” is a brief look at relationships between parents and children.

– Daughter, you are a true friend!

– I’m your daughter, not your friend.

During a short career period when I worked in a school. That’s where I spent time talking to teenagers. This happens more often now. But I still notice this particular aspect.

We know teenagers in their 13, 14, 15th years are still children. And they still depend on us – on parents.

We try to be good parents in terms of material support: housing, food, education. Such children will know a lot. After all, we are concerned about filling them with knowledge like a pig with apples before baking.

But what we don’t teach is emotional competence.

As parents, we are sometimes in a bad state ourselves that we are not understood, our pain, in our past, in our present. Not to mention the future. And we stop being the protection and support for our children emotionally.

Yes we can help them out, we may be happy. They are NOT injured in this situation!

We make our children unhappy by broadcasting our bad luck.

We don’t give them a sense of security. At some point, we treat them by ourselves, simply because we have become dirty in our fears, our claims, our fights among ourselves. While we are sitting, we can’t deal with our problems, children become our unintentional hostages.

They’re trying to sit on this 3 legged chair instead of 4: it seems to work, but there is no stability!

It turns out that the child is stronger than this adult party around him. Sometimes it’s not just dad and mom. Sometimes it’s grandparents, the teachers are someone else.

I often try to give a teenager some support so that s/he can understand a little of what’s going on.

Children grow up much stronger and healthier people when they are protected by strong, confident adults who are able to offer a life to the child in the most terrible situations.

And in order for your children to start leading the way of life that is really worth leading, parents need to heal.

So guys, let’s think about what we adults should do to ourselves to keep our children near us.

What do you think?

Contacting Leo


If you would like to know more about Leo Faerberg or have questions about this article, leave a brief message in the comments below and he will contact you. Your contact details will not be published.

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I bow to the place in you that is love, light, and joy

Peace & Light

Steve Costello is a British Community & Youth Studies and Psychology honors graduate with over 30-years theoretical and practical experience coaching in the Personal Development public and private sectors. He founded ExGro in 2018 with business partner, clinical psychologist and friend, Leo Faerberg.

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2 thoughts on “My Daughter My Friend

  1. Hi Steve and Leo. Great post, got me thinking about my role as a parent. Every day is a school day, my children have unknowingly forced me to grow up and act like the person I intend for them to become – strong, confident, resilient and above all loving. They won’t walk on the path if I walk on the road.

    1. Hello Ger, I fully agree that children make clear what our true personalities are. Parenting was the main point for me to go deeper into personal growth. Through previous therapy and different ways of self development I found some visible peace with my personal trauma and started to work out some foundation for business mindset and professional growth. But my children became the real challenge to start questioning my emotional management and old pain manifestation when triggered by their behaviors and needs. The way they learn from us is copying and resonating. Best of luck to you on your parenting. Leo 🙂

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