How To Avoid Blame

The Adversity Process

Given current world events, we need to consider how to avoid blame. it’s not difficult to notice how blame has been laid at many doors and that blaming process has filtered down into the smallest corners of the planet. Yesterday a farmer complained about a family of four out walking. He saw their walk as irresponsible and claimed they could be spreading the virus. Yet people have been advised that getting out in the fresh air is good for us so long as we keep our distance.

As many are aware, I choose to keep fit by riding a mountain bike in remote places. I love nature and the challenge of the ride. It’s food for my soul that contributes to positive mental and physical health. Sadly though, on the back of the farmers’ complaint, local police have decreed that riding bikes and walking has been banned except in the immediate vicinity of our homes where we are most likely to “bump” into people. This is even though the national president said in a public broadcast last week, “if I didn’t say it, it’s not true”. He hasn’t said anything, yet the local police are enforcing their latest Draconian rule.

Who Shall I Blame?

Well, the virus started in China and spread from there and the world realized that something had to be done. Some governments have been quick to react, others took a while, some argue, too long. The farmer I mentioned grows grapes that he sells to a consortium who make wine. Modern vineyards have very few employees, most have none and between them they have many thousands of hectares of vines. Very few people profit financially, and few will suffer if less wine is produced this year. France produces 7– 8 billion bottles of wine annually, not to mention what they have “laid down” in storage. Who will suffer if only six billion bottles are produced this year? Consumers, when prices are increased.

Everybody is suffering; my two sons and their partners have been “laid off” without pay. Somebody must be to blame.

In Christopher Avery’s book, The Responsibility Process, he talks about laying blame being an emotional, not a rational reaction. We take advantage of rational arguments we create to justify blaming others for situations.

Erasing The Blame Culture

This is as simple as it sounds but it comes at a price, albeit an exceedingly small price to pay for an increase in personal positivity and vibration. Positive vibrations positively affect others too.

The Price

You will have to stop blaming and refuse to blame others for events that don’t appear ideal.

Yes, it’s challenging because it’s what people do to avoid consequences. The four-year-old didn’t break the cup, his sister did, and on it goes. The blame culture becomes second nature. If what you are doing at home or work doesn’t produce success, something must be broken. Blame the system, blame somebody else.

Blaming is a learned, spontaneous and an almost involuntary reaction when adversity, problems or conflicts strike. We start to think about what we have and what we wish we had.

Would it not be better to recognize when we are blaming and follow that with, “I don’t want to blame”? To do that effectively, we need to constantly monitor our emotions and thoughts.

Four Solutions

Avery argues that every problem and troubling moment is a chance to practice and we can do that by asking questions:

• Who am I blaming for this situation? Work, relationships. . .
• How does blaming others stop me from making better decisions and solving problems?
• How much energy will I use on blaming?
• How can I catch myself sooner when I blame so that I can move from living with the problem and allowing it to drain my energy to solving it?

Once we stop blaming, we can move forward into a place where we begin to understand justification. We might not like what we discover there but the farmer was worried about his livelihood and feeding his family. The police have been ordered to do what they can to limit social contact and my family cannot work because they are employed in industries that have been suspended.

Bill Gates may have been correct in his 2018 warning that there would be a pandemic that the world wasn’t ready for. There is no value in blaming people for not listening. We must deal with it by applying positive solutions. Blaming on emotions will prevent solutions and potentially cause more blame. Nobody wins if we participate in the blame game.

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change”.

(Robert Anthony)

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Namasté

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Peace & Light

Steve Costello is a British Community & Youth Studies and Psychology honors graduate with over 30-years theoretical and practical experience in the Personal Development public and private sectors. He founded ExGro in 2018 with business partner, friend and clinical psychologist, Leo Faerberg.